Depression Part 2: What Am I So Afraid Of?

What am i so afraid of? Achievement? No, that can`t be it, because i used to love getting good grades and studying. It wasn't very hard for me, and i hardly ever had to study, so maybe that's a bad choice.

Am i really afraid of what other people will think? Will say if i do or don`t do something? I think i am. Which is stupid because i don`t really have that many friends to begin with.

But the fear of being alone runs really deep for me. I hate being alone. I would rather be in a room full of people and not say a word than be all by myself with all the thoughts in my head. Maybe that's my problem. I`m too afraid that the voices in my head are right. That passing thoughts are actually stone carved truths. Deep down i know they aren't, but i let them be. Because its easier. Because it makes me complacent. Complacent in my own demise. Its easier for me to just sit by and be lazy than it is for me to confront what it is I'm afraid of.

They say what separates a hero from a villain is this: a villain does what he does for the villain’s sake, whereas a hero does what he does for the villains sake. Am I a hero? When was the last time I did something for someone else? I don’t mean giving the homeless guy on the corner spare change. That didn't take any effort, and its change that’s not already designated for something else, hence why its spare. I mean really did something for someone else. Whether I wanted to do it or not. I can’t think of anything really. Or if I have, I don’t recognize it as such. And that is likely another problem I have. Putting up Christmas lights or getting presents for family members is absolutely for other people, I don’t get anything out of it really, except the joy on their faces when its done.

Why would I rather sit at home and watch TV? Why don’t I paint something or read a book or go out and exercise? Because I really don’t want to? No, that’s not it. Its because I'm afraid of the outcome. I'm afraid of missing out on something by doing something else. which is stupid because I end up getting nothing done. I sit on Facebook or just troll the internet for hours on end, doing nothing productive or of consequence to anyone or anything except burning the time I've been given.

I've been “gifted” with many things. Decent looks, relatively high intelligence, a kind heart. But what I haven’t got is determination. I don’t do things. I squander my gifts. I leave them in a corner and don’t pick them up save for rare occasions when they’re either truly needed or I simply can’t stand looking at myself in the mirror any longer without doing something.

I need to do something.

For a long time I used to tell people I was going to save the world. it used to be my mantra, my catchphrase, my ideal. Somewhere along the line I stopped listening to the little voice that was saying save the world, and I started listening to the voices that said what if you fail? What if it doesn't work? what are you going to do if something goes wrong? And because I didn't have answers for those voices, I started assuming they were right. I didn't have all the answers, as I had in my school days. I was now at a point where the rules are made up and the points don’t matter. I had gone from the rigid right/wrong world of school, to the unfastened world of…the world. I graduated college with a one sentence life plan, and a poorly constructed and almost completely unsupported one at that. I had been given a flag to plant, and I planted with gusto. Into ground so loose and unstable that anyone could have seen it was going to fall.

And it did.

I fell with it.

I skipped around from job to job, not having a goal, not having a purpose, not knowing what I was doing or where I was going, and it showed. I was terribly depressed because I had done the one thing I had planned on doing, and my one sentence life plan was at the end. My flag had fallen on the ground, been stomped on, torn, drenched in the mud.

And I think that’s when I stopped flying it. When I stopped believing in myself. Gone was the time when I could save the world. gone were all the super powers I thought I had, in school, in life, in church. I had gone out into the world, and the world had knocked me down so hard, I think I refused to get up.

I don’t think I have gotten up since. Sure I'm in a much better place, my finances are stable, my troubles with the law are over, I'm paying my bills and saving money at the same time, but I'm still just…there. I come home from work and I don’t do anything. I make excuses like I'm too tired, or I had a really long day, but I know deep down that’s bullshit.

I haven’t gotten up.

I took down my flag pole.

I folded up my flag and I keep it hidden. Afraid of what others will say about it. about what it represents. My past, my present, my possible future. Every time I think about pulling it out and flying it again, I look at it. I see the tears, the holes, the mud, the muck. Its not pretty enough. Its not perfect enough.

I'm not enough.

I refuse to believe I'm not enough. I'm really the only one who’s saying that. I'm the only one who sees all the bad things that have happened to my flag. I'm the only one who knows where its been.

Because I'm the only one who sees it anymore.

This ends now. Heroes don’t sit in the corner, looking at the tears in the their capes or the mud on their chests. They’re too busy moving forward, saving the day.

Saving the world.

I am a hero.

I am a hero to myself. What I do is not for me, it is for others. My past is my past and I cannot change it. I don’t care what anybody thinks about my flag. I don’t fly it for them, I fly it for me. I don’t plant my flagpole, because I'm too busy waving it in the wind. A hero doesn't fly his flag for himself, he flies his flag for others.

That is what I must do. 

Depression Part 1: Some Nights

Some nights? Might as well be most nights. I'm lost. I'm not lost. I'm wandering. I know exactly where I am. It’s the same place I've been for almost two years now: living with my grandmother, consistently broke, or damn close, and single as a paramecium. I've had girlfriends since I've been here, none of which have worked out. Usually because I've behaved in an infantile way, or disappeared off the map for a while, or she did. Or it was long distance, and that never works. Or I was just in it to be in it, rather than actually connecting with another human being. The phase that keeps coming up is this: “Too smart for his own good.” I know exactly what I means, more so sometimes than most others realize. I can see everything. Not at once, but usually in sequence. I see my side, then their side, then a third person view of the situation. And at that point, it seems pointless. Everything seems pointless. If I can see it like this, this must be how god sees it. And if our purpose is for god to fully experience itself, than everything means something, which means nothing means anything. Purpose becomes pointless, and life even more so. 

Don’t worry, I won’t kill myself. Mostly because deep down I have the same fear of death that everyone has, and no blind faith in anything will take that away from me. I've seen too many cracks in too many coats of armor to believe that anything lasts forever, that anything is really real. Everything is an illusion, either on purpose or by accident. 

I know how it works, I know how everything works. That’s kind of my super power. i know how people work, I know how machines work. cars, watermelons, religion, clocks, politics, music. Its everything. Which means its nothing. What I've done, what I think I've done, what I've seen, what I'm pretty sure was there, it’s all meaningless. I won’t kill myself, I just won’t. that’s the one fact that no one can prove. The one scientific theory that doesn't exist. The biggest religious question that has no true answer.

I think I live in fear. Fear and…and something else. It’s not bravery, its not courage. I am in complete control. But my fear is debilitating. I want to get a tattoo, but I'm afraid of what it might say about me, or I'm afraid of making a mistake. That’s really what it boils down to. My biggest fear is making a mistake. My whole life I've followed the path, never strayed. I was always a good kid. Then I started testing the limits of existence. Why do I believe this? What are the consequences if I do it anyway? It didn't take me long to see that there are no consequences for doing things against what you believe, and at that point, you don’t really believe them anymore do you? So then you start doing things you’d always promised parents and teachers and youth leaders and priests and even yourself that you wouldn't do. and I didn't really feel bad about it. I had sex. I smoked weed. I drank beer, often too much. And I didn't feel bad about it. (psychologically, not physically. Hangovers are a right of passage for a reason). But it didn't matter. As for the bigger picture, I was still “on track.” I graduated early, which I'm now regretting, and did what I had set out to do for almost two years: Move in with Grandma, get a bull shit job to pay for second city, go to second city and “hit it big.” That was literally my life plan. Summed up in a single fucking sentence. How is that even possible? How did no one ask me what I was going to do after college, and then smack me across the face when my plan was one sentence long? Why has it taken me so long to figure out that that was total bullshit? I had six jobs the first year I moved here. None of which I really enjoyed, and I didn't even start becoming productive at my job now until my parents gave me a taste of what it was going to be like if I had to move back in with them. I hated that. I hate that town, I hate the people, I hate the fucking weather. My life was nothing but psychological agony for years there. Sure my parents were nice to me, but I had no real friends there. They were friends of convenience, acquaintances really. To this day I still have no real friends. 

Family members can be friends, but their top priority will never be you, it can’t be.

And maybe it shouldn't be.

Maybe all friendship is conditional. I wouldn't know, I've never had a best friend. Stephen was there for me, but it was never really about us, it was just convenient to have somebody who knew all the answers following you around.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of knowing all the answers. Sometimes I look at somebody like Jordan, and I think, to be that simple, to be that naive. To not have seen what I've seen. To believe in magic. To believe in the possible. To not have that voice in the back of your head saying, “you know this is all bull shit right?” no matter what you do, it won’t matter. You’ll never be enough. You’ll never change the world. you’ll never leave your mark on humanity long enough for anyone to care. The world moves too fast now. Whatever you create will either be improved upon and forgotten, or simply forgotten.

That’s why I don’t get anything done. I can’t stop the voice in my head. I can’t stop the thoughts that say you’re not enough. I don’t want this any more. I’d like to say it’s not fair, but it is. Its all choice. I made the choice to challenge my own status-quo and this is what I got. The voice. The thought. The fear. With great power comes great responsibility. Those who have the capability to challenge the status quo have the responsibility to challenge it. I often wonder how many other people think like this. Who else has the same demon. The nay-sayer. The Devil’s Advocate. This is why I smoke. This is why I drink. To stop my mind from running down the same damn lines over and over again. 

You haven’t done anything with your life. 

You’re never going to be enough.

And it scares me.

It scares me because they might be right.

I don’t know what the right answer is, and my experience has told me there isn't one. My entire life has been “do the right thing,” “say the right thing,” “live the ‘right’ way.” And where has it gotten me? Its gotten me really good at being right, staying right, or feeling incredibly terrible about being wrong. I mean physically sick because I did something wrong. Pain in my stomach, which leads to self deprecation, and a horrible line of thinking that ends with, you guessed it, “you’ll never get ahead, you’ll never amount to anything, you’re a terrible waste of space, step aside and let someone else get a head of you.”

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. But with that power comes responsibility. Responsibility beyond measure. being responsible for 7 billion people is impossible for one human being to be capable of. Being powerful beyond measure is easy, using that power responsibly isn’t possible. Because there are so many sides to so many stories in so many places with so many people. War isn’t two countries fighting. Its thousands of soldiers and families, and fathers, and sons, and mothers and daughters, doing what they do for every different reason in the book. We’re all different, but that’s what makes us the same.

I can’t get away from two major feelings in my life: The first, is that I should/could/would/will do something great, and be someone important. The other, Is that I will fail miserably, never make a name for myself, and die a sad sack of shit, in a small suburban house, surrounded by things I didn't have when I was ten, and people I didn't know when I was 30.

I make friends really easily.

I make girlfriends really easily.

I don’t make best friends. Ever.

I don’t make partners. Ever.

I am a man on an island, far away from others. Psychologically, emotionally, aesthetically. I don’t want to be here. Not anymore. It was easy in college when everything was party and sex and booze and show up for class and study your ass off just to forget it four years later. I don’t want that anymore.

But there's something else I don’t want. A pattern. Predictability. To be “in a rut.” People say that predictability is good. I hate it. I hate going to the same places all the time, I hate seeing the same people, talking about the same things over and over and over and over and over. It kills me. Let’s talk about something else god dammit! As soon as I feel like I'm in a place where things are “normal” as soon as I've developed a “normal,” I want out. I want out as fast as possible. I want to be doing something new. Tasking my brain with something it hasn't done before, hasn't tried before. A puzzle it hasn't solved yet.

I'm really good at puzzles.

People are like puzzles.

Most are really easy to solve. To subdivide into a category that explains their behavior, their beliefs, their actions. People are really easy. They try to lie, but a very large percentage can’t cover it up well. I've met very few who can. One is my boss. She keeps secrets from a lot of people. And she does it with such dead pan precision that I never want to meet her on the other side of a poker table.

What if I fail? What if I'm not enough. What if I can’t live up to the dreams I've had for myself and for the world? what if I fail? What if I end up failing and that’s it? I retire to a lame ass existence in small town u.s.a? what then? Have I lived up to my potential? Did I ever really have any? Do dreams come a dime a dozen but heroes are one in a million? Or a billion? Or more? What if I don’t have what it takes to be the hero I always dreamed of being? How do I get that validation? Where did I get the idea in the first place?

T.V.

How can somebody love someone who will never be enough for anyone? Not even for themselves let alone anyone else. And people feed me that bull shit and it tastes terrible every time I take a bite. Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn't live up to their potential.

But if I fail, am I worth anything?

And who decides whats worth anything? Who makes these rules? Huh? Huh?

See, it isn't hard to get mired in it. Its fast, and its lethal. Paralyzing actually. Fast and paralyzing. I can’t move forward until I figure out this puzzle. But this puzzle has no answer.

Well at that point is it a puzzle at all? Its simply a statement, not a question. It has the same structure as a question, but it is undefinable as query. Its not a real thing. It has no meaning.

I want to be enough. But if I fail, will I not be enough? Or will I simply be all that I was ever capable of?

Okay, lets reason this out: you are capable of x,y and z. yet you only do x and y. z never gets done. At that point, were you ever really capable of z? is z even in the realm of capability? Does there exist an alternate universe where you ARE capable of z? well it doesn’t matter cause you’ll never get there, so alternate universes aside, is it even possible for you to fail? Have you lost anything you didn’t have before if you don’t achieve a goal before you die? You had the want to achieve the goal, which is what drives you toward it, but if your body gives out without your achievement, then your life isn’t missing anything, because all you die with is the want. That’s all you ever really have. The drive. The need to keep moving forward. Look back, don’t look back, it doesn’t matter, it’s happened and you can’t change it, unless you lie, which only ever leads to more problems.

So, failing isn’t taking something away. It’s not being “not enough,” or incomplete, its simply being who you always were. A dreamer. A runner. A mover. A thinker. A shaker. A Quaker. A bad ass. A saint. A villain. A hero. A person.

So finish things in spare time. Take on new hobbies. You can do this my friend. And remember, even if you have to write it on your arm. You can do anything. 

That's SO FOREVER Ago!

This is another post about a TV commercial (I know, I know, I watch it too much, but it's how I grew up!). This time the perpetrator is AT&T. I'm sure you've seen them: two people on their phones, while friends and family come up to them asking questions that they already know the answers to, and tagging it with the phrase "that's so (a few) seconds ago." Now these commercials get me for a few reasons. And since it's the internet, I get to enumerate all of them.

1. They defy physics.

As a physics hobbyist, I consider myself as least somewhat versed in the basic laws governing behavior of moving bodies in this universe. Speed=Distance/Time. Some of the things that claim to happen in these commercials are things that happen at FASTER than the speed of light, and I don't care where you are, your internet is definitely not moving that fast. Now, I would simply be just another pagan if ended this bullet point here, and thus we have to ask a deeper question, "Do you really think we're that stupid AT&T?" We all know that your first generation towers weren't ready to handle a titan like the Iphone, but do you think we've forgotten? Do you really think that people don't know that it takes time to send messages, even with today’s high-tech capabilities? But a deeper and more disturbing question is "Does AT&T think that people are stupid enough to believe that if they switch to their phone company, we'll be able to defy the laws of physics?" I mean, we aren't the smartest country in the world I'll admit. (Check out Waiting for Superman, great info on that!). But do you think we're foolish enough to believe in what you're basically pitching as magic? I think it sends the wrong message to kids of the next generation. You're saying that just by having your phone plan, they'll be able to get what amounts to literally instant gratification. Knowing you have to wait for things is what our parents and grandparents grew up with. It's becoming more and more fluid with my generation, with advent of wide-spread internet connections, but there's still a disconnect between the real world and the virtual one. It still takes time to build a mouse trap. They don't just appear out of thin air. Today's children learn so much from the media, and shame on you for trying to pull the wool over their eyes when it comes to learning patience.

2. Pop Culture follows Moore's Law?

Now, this is more of an observation than a complaint, but remember the times when we as kids used to say: "That is SO two years ago!" Before that, it was that was SO 80's! And I’m sure that was precipitated by 70's, etc. And I remember when the time period in the phase slowly started to get shorter and shorter. That was so last year, last season, last month, last week. Smaller and smaller until now we're measuring our phone capabilities in the spans between movements of the minute hand. It would seem that Moore's Law influences not only technology, but what technology precipitates, at least in today's culture, pop culture.

3. Share the Love.

The intention of the commercial is the intention of all commercials: Make the salesperson superior to everyone else. I get it. I've seen the Music Man enough times to know how that's suppose to work. But do they have to be suck dicks about it? And, granted, I mean that in the nicest way possible. But they always finish the inquisitor's sentence, and jokingly say, in what seems to be the new vernacular of geek put downs, "took ya long enough!" Why can't they be nice about it? Why can't they help people with what seem to be super machines, instead of using them for mindless shit like getting sports scores or sending e-cards? Why not video chat with multiple nations to broker a peace agreement in the Middle East? Or create a supply chain that could feed people in the 3rd world for pennies on the dollar? I thought we were on the verge of global warming/meltdown/crash/insert-apocalyptic-idea-here. If you've got a tool that seems to violate the laws of physics, and has internet, why are you criticizing your fellow peers for their inferior phone plans? What happened to the people who had powerful technologies in the movies? They’re killed by John Conner. I thought spreading the wealth and making things better is what we were supposed to be doing.

Seems AT&T has a long way to go before it gets itself into the next generation of marketing, high school physics, and schoolyard politics. They are so two seconds ago.

Sincerely,

The Future Genius.

Fools in Love Answering Agency!

So one of my real life talents is that I'm pretty good at relationships (not my own, but apparently everyone else's). Now, I preface this with a disclaimer: I HAVE NO PSYCHOLOGICAL, CLINICAL, OR THEOLOGICAL TRAINING. I do however have a lot of experience, in the social ring, and a degree in Theatre Arts may not be good on a resume, but it makes one an excellent people watcher, and learner of behavior. I will change names and identities, so that no-one gets really embarrassed.

So I'll try, from time to time, to give real life examples of my friends-who-are-girls. Maybe you can apply them to yours, maybe you completely disagree with me and leave me terrible comments. Either way, I'm putting my "experience" on the table.

I actually have two recent current examples:

1. If a waiter buys you dessert, do you give him your number?

Now, I preface this anecdote with the fact that the lady who questioned me, lets call her...Tina, was already attracted to this waiter, and probably would have given him her number had she been asked, but was instead presented with a free piece of pie.

So, is it ok to leave your number under the tip, if he gives you a free dessert? Yes, it's ok. He didn't buy the whole meal, he didn't hit on her during the meal. He seems to be a stand up guy, and she's putting the ball in his court, and there's no guarantee he's even going to call her (don't worry Tina, he probably will). So if it so happens you're out on a lady date (two girlfriends grabbing dinner, not two ladies grabbing dinner, a movie, and then each other), and the waiter buys you dessert, and makes it clear its you and not your friend, and you think why not, then I say you should go for it...Tina.

2. How do you bring up a possible relationship with someone who you've been a bit intimate with, but haven't had much serious contact with since?

TALK TO HIM! But that's the easy answer. But let me give you a little background: Lets say that...Dani, was a camp counselor last summer, and cuddled up one night with another counselor, and after talking for a while (and no drinks, its important to note), they kissed. Camp ends, they part ways, but still talk, and the kiss never comes up again.

So, how does Dani bring up a relationship (or at least the possibility of one?). The easiest way is to bring it up directly, but that provides the most risk, and if misspoken or mishandled even a bit, its automatically going to terminate any future possibilities. A better route is to ask about a personal or dating life. Now, there are a few options the man will take:

1. If he redirects, or avoids, chances are he has one already and doesn't want to lose the possibility of a future with you, so he doesn't come clean.

2. If he says he's all free, that means he's lonely, and possibly desperate, so avoid.

3. If he says no, and turns right around and asks you out, bonus for you.

4. Your prime situation is this: He says he's not dating anyone, and asks if you are, you smile, and put your hair behind your ear, and say, "not at the moment..." and if he has any sense at all, he'll ask you right then and there. If he doesn't, then at your next interaction, you go for broke and ask him about it, and see what happens. But that should be a last resort.

Now, like I said, I have no technical training, but my experience has been accumulating for many years now, and I'm trying to give back.

Sincerely,

The Future Genius.

Who Are You?

No, this is not a post about how much I love The Who (and honestly, who doesn't love The Who?). But this IS a post about a recent commercial I saw (about a billion times, b/c I watch tv on the internet, and a show will get one commercial sponsor and you see the same commercial about 100 times). It's for Norton anti-virus software (and can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOowgs4F1Gc). Now, I usually agree with keeping up with one's anti-virus software (I lost a LOT after I fooled around with limewire on my last computer), but the premise of this commercial...unnerved me a bit. It's all about stuff, and ends with the question: "What are you without your stuff? More importantly, WHO are you?" Now, in modern day America, we ARE obsessed with stuff. Look at the video game industry, its gone from non-existant 20 or 30 years ago, to a multi-billion dollar industry today. We give our stuff to charity so we can buy MORE STUFF!

But we are not the sum of our stuff. We are more. The DNA of this country is littered with people who had nothing and made the history books. It's practically the backbone of our way of life. Since when are we measured by what we have, and not who we are? We are greater than the some of our parts, and it disgusts me that anyone would consider us any less, let alone a company who works in America, providing a vital service to the modern population. Presidents are elected on character, CEO's live and die by how they are viewed in the public eye, not by how many cars they have, or what house they live in (mostly because they all live at that level). Heroes come from all walks of life, and villains are both rich and poor. Who we are is absolutely not measure by assets, its measured by character, will and drive. It worries me that this is the way advertising execs think of the American public. Now we haven't given them much reason to think or behave otherwise (Jersey Shore Season 5? REALLY?).

So, who are we? Will we sit idly by while the advertisers continue to appeal to the lowest common denominator, or will we choose to raise it? Who are we to not educate ourselves? To not pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps, regardless of how much STUFF we have? We are who we choose to be.

So, Who Are You?

Sincerely,

The Future Genius.

What Ever Happened to the Heroes?

no, i'm not talking about the 5 seasons of the NBC sci-fi drama that started out strong and just didn't really know where it was going, i mean real life heroes. i recently heard a song by Joss Stone, aptly titled: What Ever Happened to the Heroes? now, it was included on the soundtrack for the Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, so chances are it didn't get much play by anyone outside of only the most loyal of Marvelites (can i coin that phrase?), but when one puts deep thought into song lyrics (as i often do, to usually fruitless ends), it raises interesting questions. so in the second verse of the song, she starts naming off famous "heroes." Joe DiMaggio, MLK, Princess Di, etc. it used to be we had heroes like that, that stood up for something, where as now a days, (she says, though i don't totally disagree with her), its Kurt Cobain/take a pill for the pain, etc. now we can discuss all day about an over medicated society, but pharmaceutical juggernauts aside, she's kinda right. and granted, this song is at least a few years old, but still. i mean, John and Kate? The Kardashians? Snookie? i mean, these people have reached single name level icon status, for what? helping the poor? creating jobs? rescuing the economy? no, because they're on tv! and for whatever you wanna call "reality" tv, you need to realize, its really not real. what happens happens, but in the magic of editing, they can make it look like anything happened. thats just the way it is kids. you have to go back to the real world new orleans (the first one) to get the last real vestige of Reality tv. nowadays the real world is just pretty people filled with agression, dreams of being famous, and alcohol. (lots and lots of alcohol). it is statistically harder to get onto the real world than it is to get into harvard. i mean really? but anyways, as always i digress. back to the topic, Heroes. so these people are at the top of the popularity heap? i mean really? don't get me started on "musicians." i mean, you can argue that sampling is, in and of itself a musical artform, and i've met people who do tend to do that well, but i mean really, what happened to the beatles? what happened to elvis? what happened to queen, and the ramones, and the yardbirds? i mean, what happened to people playing real music on real instruments? Hendrix didn't play the guitar, he was that guitar. that was an extension of him, now i'm not saying that today's crop of "young talent" isn't talented, but one internet video does not a legend make. (rebecca black, justin bieber, etc.). sorry, HEROES.

why don't we have heroes any more? does it take money to be a hero, and since we're in such a bad economy, we can't have them? well, any die hard fans of JP Morgan and or Batman would say yes, but i disagree. and it's not that there aren't people out there with alot of money, i mean look at sports stars, they're "heroes" and they've got money. but i think it's something else.

this country was founded on having no money in your pocket and making something, or making something of yourself, so that can't be it. is it the politics? well, looking at the current state of people in the "ruling class" you might say that, yeah probably, and there i might have to agree with you. i mean, Roosevelt, Lincoln, Washington, all politicians, but in a time when politics was alot more boiled down, more real. today its all about constituencies, and party lines, and all this crap that just ends up impeding good ideas, and pushing through bad ones. flip floping to serve the moment rather than serving the country. it's terrible, and there are no plans to rectify it in the near future. so, we don't have political leaders as heroes any more, but not all great heroes are politicians, so politics can't be the only answer.

Hellen Keller was, to many a hero. now before you get all up in arms, i'm not gonna argue against something i just wrote. (though i'll admit i do that alot.). but she did something that almost all heroes have in common. she overcame. she was blind. she was deaf. she was a woman. (again, before you get up in arms, she comes from a different time and place than today's world, though i'd argue its still like that in some places). she over came what looked to most like insurmountable odds, and became a great speaker, leader, and of course, hero.

Jackie Robinson is looked on by most, and labeled, as a hero. he existed in a world of heroes, so why should his story be any different? because he was left out because of who he was as a person. he was a black man in what, at the time, was a white man's game/society/world. he over came that, and became a hero to many in the black community, and many black athletes today.

Theodore Roosevelt, arguably one of the greatest presidents of the modern age, and undoubtedly the greatest naturalist ever to work from 1600 Pennsylvania. Roosevelt was not an overly intelligent man, and had a very weak immune system his whole life. he went to harvard, but in the late 1800's only the richest went to college at all. his mother and his wife died on the same day. the same day. but he over came. he kept moving forward.

so what's my common element in these references? today. now, youre thinking, that answer does not properly address the question. let me back up. what happened to the heroes? why don't we have them any more? the real answer: Today. today's world is very different from 100, or 50, or even 25 years ago. technology, medicine, communication, everything moves at an incredible pace. humanity hasn't changed in over 50,000 years. we have no hellen keller's because obstetric, optometric, and audial medicine has come so far since her time. we have no jackie robinsons because we live in a "race-less" society, (although that'll always be arguable at some level). we have no theodore roosevelts, (well, again back to the politics, but) because we have advances in medicine, sociology, and psychiatry, that would mean he wouldn't have to overcome. take a pill. tell a shrink. vote for a black guy. we've solved the worlds "ills" so we don't have problems to overcome.

at least that's what the media will tell you.

do we have problems? yes. are they anywhere near the same problems we had 20 years ago? absolutely not! with every advance in technology and medicine, we solve one problem. but like every coin we earn, it has two sides, and simply presents us with another problem. we can cure cancer, but we can't sell it, so it doesn't happen. we can move mountains, but we can't see the destruction caused by that movement. we can talk to people around the world, but we can't have a conversation across the dinner table.

we need new heroes. we need new leaders. it's like Micheal Douglas says: "we've got serious problems to solve, and we need serious people to solve them." the American President addresses, i think, one of the most important issues in today's political arena, (and that's the quickest and surest way to make true heroes, either be the first, or put your name down on paper, because every sports record will be broken, and every mountain will be climbed), that people don't own up to their shit. i'm serious. i mean, you did something bad, come out and say it, don't try to deny it, (Richard), or try and confuse everyone, (Bill). Honesty is the best policy, is actually the best policy. we need new heroes. we need people with integrity, we need people who want to get things done. we don't need the same old same old. Albert Einstein once said: "the same thinking that caused a problem cannot be used to fix it." we need something new. we need fresh blood. we need another wind. we need the next generation to step up and step out and start getting things done!

You wanna be a hero? Say so.

UPDATE!

so its been a few months since my last post, and for the....6 people who have ever read this, alot has happened! i was convinced by my lying mother to come to houston "for the summer" tho "get help" and "get a temp job" until the fall when i might go back to school. well i DID GET INTO IIT!!! so i'll be doing that in the fall! but the temp job i got here is pointless/useless, so i've just been catching up on web shows and playing lego batman. (which is actually pretty cool). so i thought, hey? why not do some blogging? i'm not doing anything else, so! here we go!

The American Dream: History Lesson? or Current Reality?

You've heard the stories (and subsequently the commercials) about the American dream. People coming to the country from anywhere else in the world, to start over, to dream, and to achieve. the late 19th and early 20th century is literally littered with stories of immigrants and first generation Americans, showing up to Ellis Island with literally nothing but the clothes on their backs, and making a family, a home, and livelihood. you don't often see that around anymore.

What Happened?

Did we take in too many immigrants? as the government thought? Doubtful, seeing as there are still stretches of the west that look the same way they did when Lewis and Clark first saw them, so land isn't the issue.
Did we run out of money? True that the worst economy this country, and the world, has ever seen was in the first half of the 20th Century. But the best economy this country, and the world, has ever seen, was in the 2nd half of the 20th Century.
Did we simply stop believing? In ourselves? in each other? I think the Answer to that is yes. i think somewhere in turmoil of the 60's, somebody said, so what? this country kills its own people, doesn't respect it's ancestors, and spends money on things that don't matter. while it ignores the problems that are growing both short term and long term.

and suddenly that was that. the American dream of anybody can come here and achieve anything became useless, frivolous even. what's the point of prospering in such a toxic enviroment, to end up "the smartest man on the Heap?"

to a certain extent i think that sentiment is still prevalent in some places. but in those places, they know little about the world. what i mean is, the world pays a much larger tax percentage than we do. true, they have universal health care, but the supreme court may just rule that unconstitutional, and then what do we do? people would rather say to hell with my health, at least i'll be free. Freedom. Freedom is a word that isn't spoken in the rest of the world like it is here. we say things like "i've got the 1st amendment, i'm FREE to say whatever i want," and believe me, you are. The Westboro Baptist Church shows us how true that Amendment is. but in most parts of the world, you can't do that. they'll kill you. literally, you speak out against the government, and they'll kill you. you disappear in the middle of the night, literally out of your bed, and your wife and kids never hear from you again. Freedom is what people come to this country for. and to a certain extent, that's the American Dream. Freedom. Equal Opportunity under the Law. In most of the rest of the world, everybody gets the same outcome, no matter where you're born, how old you are, or what color you are. you all get the same outcome. but not here. Here you all get the same shot. The same three strikes at the plate, the same audition. You might fail, but you might achieve something great. you could be homeless begging for money, and then all the sudden you're the voice of the Cleveland Cavaliers. You can come from literally 12 dollars to your name, to having a movie made about your life. you can show up in times square and become a mega star. this is the country of people pulling themselves up by their bootstraps. of digging down deep within, and finding the strength to build that wall, study that book, and make that deal. that's why we celebrate sports so much. because sports are the epitome of human capabilities, and they are constantly jumping higher, running faster, and swinging for the farther fence. And going over.

So is the American Dream dead? No. But it means so much more than it used to.

God Bless the United States of America.

Everyone One Deserves a little MAYHEM!

ok, so recently, you have to have seen these commercials: A guy, dressed in a suit, claims to be something, that distracts you from driving, or causes you to file an insurance claim, and says get allstate. its an insurance commerical, fine. but they have done something that very few commercials have done lately: NOT MADE ME BORED AFTER JUST ONE VIEWING!!! these commercials are great! i think the blend of cockiness followed by simulated bodily harm, really hits a nerve in the human pleasure center. and now, they've come out with city specific radio adds (well, i don't know if it happens in your city, Allstate actually started in Chicago, so it may just be here, iono, comment and tell me!), that are also genius. so i guess i'm just saying, way 2 go allstate, you found what worked and you're sticking with it, unlike geico, who's got 3 different mascots: the gecko, the caveman, and that face vincent price, (though the vincent price about wood chucks and a few of those new gecko ones are pretty funny, but PICK ONE AND STICK WITH IT!). THAT IS, whoa sry, left caps lock on there for a second, that is all, good by for now.

try and keep up.

ok, television is getting into a very BAD habit. i dont know what to call it, so i'll just call it "Plot Line ADD". there are some shows out there, that skip from scene to scene to scene to scene, all in the span of 10 minutes, and you're expected to assimilate a large amount of information very quickly, or to understand a small amount of information, even quicker. i'll give you 2 examples:

Better with you: a sitcom about 3 couples, all in various stages of their lives/relationships, 2 parents, married for a long time, the 1st daughter and her bf, who've been 2gether for 9 years, and the 2nd daughter who is getting married and having a baby after knowing a guy for like...3 weeks or something. but the premise is irrelevant. the problem is, the scenes go back and fourth so quickly, you can hardly keep up. the scenes only last like a minute or two, before changing to the next scene. for those of us who are older than lets say.....me, who can't operate a stove or print pictures or work a tv without the help of.........a millennial baby, i can see how one could easily get left behind in the speed of the show. (dont get me wrong, the show is hilarious, and i'm really glad to see that someone other than ashton kutcher still has a career after that 70's show, Debbie-Jo Rupp!) it's just fast paced thats all.

THE EVENT: SIT UP AND PAY ATTENTION! cause if your not, you'll be more lost than lost fans after the series finale. this show switches scenes after about 45 seconds, and each new scene has a new location and/or time period, so you have to mentally catalogue things, not only in local episode storyline terms, but also in overall, over arching terms. now lost started this trend of ridiculously large casts and plot lines (with a scifi twist i guess i have 2 stipulate, b/c soaps do the same thing, though they don't shift near as fast, or as often!), but THE EVENT ups the ante, and forces your brain to work harder than that college math final where you went out clubbing the night before the test (nobody else did that?). i read a book a while back that basically stipulated that the more pop culture evolves and pushes boundaries, the smarter we get. dramas went from the single plot of drag-net, to the double plot of starsky and hutch (they were always doing something at the begining and end of every episode), to the multiplot episodes of NYPD Blue (now this book was written just before Lost came out, so, that would have been the next evolutionary step, where as the Event is simply picking up speed on the same concept).

so is tv giving us ADD? are we being forced to thing quicker and in differening directions from minute to minute b/c of what we watch on tv? who really knows, who really cares? tv is for turning on, tuning in, and droping out. thats all i know.

Katy Perry needs to be Unplugged!

ok, don't take the title the wrong way. i really enjoy Katy perry's music. i like message of "firework" and the mental imagery of "teenage dream". and how catchy/addictive was "California Gurls"? i mean really! what i mean is, katy perry needs an acoustic album. now granted i've never seen her in concert or anything, but i did watch when she was the musical guest on SNL a few weeks (maybe months, my timeline is......relative these days) ago. and while it sounded a little weird, i understood why. because the songs that she sings are all modded, or electrified, or w.e. in a studio, with backup singers and echos and all kinds of tweaks and electronic sounds. now, theres nothing wrong with that, any good artist can appreciate all other forms of art for what they are and what reaction they're trying to get from their audience. so i see/hear the appeal of techno elements in bubble-gum pop music like that. but the reason it sounded so weird is because she was trying to recreate that sound in a live setting, which is foolish at best, and embarrassing at the worst (right ashley simpson? jk. (but not really)). so at the beginning of her songs, when its just her and the microphone, she sounds amazing (and i'd be willing to bet she actually has a really great voice, and then she would have to be exiled bc no one is that pretty, with that great a voice, and not a cylon. jk, again). so i think she needs to work it out with mtv, get unplugged back on the air, (part of a movement to bring MUSIC back to MUSICtelevision), or get in on that crossroads vibe over on CMT, with somebody like, sugarland, or little big town, or even a classic like reba or somebody, how awesome would that be? so, Katy perry, not that you'll ever see this or read this, but on the astronomically small chance you do? get unplugged, do an acoustic album, and show the world that your not all bubble gum pop. that you have a killer voice too.

What's in a Name?

OK, no seriously, WHAT IS THE EVENT!?!?!? this is a tv show that calls itself, "the Event" and yet, wont even tell you what it is. I mean, at least "Lost" had the decency to tell you how'd you feel when it started and when it ended (and pretty much all the time in between!) but "the Event" is a useless title. Unless i guess if you view it as a meta sort of thing, in so much as "the Event" is the event of everyone watching the show, or perhaps its a lesson in appreciation on the events of everyday life, saying that every moment is a big deal. i dont know, it's just annoying.

Not everything on here is gonna be me pontificating or me bitching at the universe. its my "online journal," ya know?

The Greatest Experiment EVER.

So i recently read an article in an issue of Scientific American, that was about how science and democracy are basically the same thing. now most people think that this doesnt really make sense, as the general public's consensus is that science is a step by step process that always results that were sort of predicted, or led to some great discovery. well anyone who's been a scientist for longer than 30 seconds or even cracked a textbook knows how much b.s. that is. science is messy, murky, and the road to discovery is littered with potholes, dead animals, and forks. America is much the same way, or atleast, started that way. the founding fathers often referred the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution as "an experiment." and to a certain extent it is, and still is. both science and democracy have feedback loops that alter not only it's current state, but also its future. science has hypothesis manipulation, and democracy has elections. elections are the ultimate in social experimentation. every so often, we tweak the variables a bit, intentionally, or unintentionally, and see who gets elected. it begs the question, if the given "constants" in our experiment change (i.e. constituencies, the economy, the war, etc.), do our variables matter that much more, or that much less? in the first decades of our country, we didn't go looking for fights. it was the british who invaded us in '76. it was the british again in 1812 (also shares a 9/11 reference, if you're so inclined, google it). and the french soon after that. it wasn't until people started attacking our citizens in the world at large (the sinking of the Lusitania by a german U-boat is what brought us into WW1), that we proved ourself top of the heap. and when it happened again in 41, we proved it again. but it was after ww2 that the "experiment" started to turn sour. now don't get me wrong, i love america, i don't think i could ever actually live anywhere else, though i'd love to visit alot of places. but you can't compare to america's freedom. some see it as a burden, others (like myself) a joy. its all a matter of interpretation. but back to the point. after ww2, the military industrial complex had become so bloated and over arching, due to roosevelt's "keen" oversight, that to dismantle it and force it to go back to making cars was impossible. companies had tasted the blood of war. seen the profit margins increase to far beyond anything they could get domestically just making cars and airplanes. so what happened? they paid lobbyists to put the bug in congress' ear, that communism was on the rise. (remember, its congress that declares war, not the president, no matter what a tea party supporter picketing from a lawn chair tells you). they find somebody like McCarthy to hunt down commies in every corner of american society, political, entertainment, even plain old citizens (The Rosenburgs, though it turns out they actually were selling secrets to the commies), and put him center stage, and the cold war is born. America started going around the world and picking fights. Korea, Vietnam, Afganistan (in the 80's, not the '00s). The military industrial complex thrived on this stuff. they left the politics to the politicians. they didnt have to sell "military operations" to america, the politicians did. and every politician that sold america on "stopping the spread of communism" got a cash back kick back, from the corporations that got military contracts. the exact same thing happens today, just not on the battle field, it happens in the cornfield. and the oilfield. why did we invade Kuwait in the 80's? they were sitting on the biggest oil field on the planet, and Saddam started going in and lighting things on fire like a 16 year old with a pack of cigarettes. so our politicians are running our country anymore, corporations our. i mean, lets just be honest about it. japan is. they actually have seats in their senate that belong to corporations. CORPORATIONS! that means, that a company has a vote in how a country is run. this isn't a scifi novel, this is real stuff. there's a reason this country was founded the way it was: FOR the PEOPLE, OF the PEOPLE, and BY the PEOPLE. not for the profit of a corporation, not of a buisness deal, not by a CEO. this is why america votes. TO STAY FREE. if you don't vote, you have no right to bitch. you can be a political as you want, but if you don't respect your responsibility to vote, and it is a responsibility, not a gift or a right, then why are you here? I'm serious. it's right there in the Declaration of independence: "But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security." if you have the ability, you have the Responsibility, to vote. research your candidates. whos old, who's new, who's affiliated, who's independant. but get informed. if you think that the country is great the way it is, don't vote. cause by not voting, you increase an incumbents chances to get re-elected. i dont like where the country has gone. but that's what so great about the experiment. it's not designed to end. it was not designed with a specific goal in mind, but a structure for it's continuity and longevity. so, join the great experiment. go out and vote on NOV. 2nd. and keep the experiment going.

The Genius.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. ADD. Pt. 1

So i recently saw the movie: Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. i really enjoyed it, but it pointed out something going on in this country. The "trend" or "rise" in cases of ADD and ADHD. it would seem that hollywood is just now starting to follow along in the (false) chorus. now don't get me wrong, there are many cases of true ADD and ADHD. brain chemistry and hormone levels can drastically effect behavior at an early, and even in to late adolescence. but a miss diagnosis of ADD for behavior problems is a huge epidemic in this country. it starts with the parents, and stems into the school systems. the American family is under fire. and i dont mean the 50's Mom, Dad, 2.5 kids, good neighborhoods crap that politican's spout when they wanna appeal to the "over 60" crowd. (although, statically that is the crowd that has the highest voting ratio, i would argue, and anyone who wishes to challenge me can, that Obama was elected by the youngest "margin" in history). the american family that i'm talking about is the current one in america. whatever that means to the reader, be it 2 moms, 2 dads, 2 grandparents (who are currently the largest child-rearing group in the nation), or an uncle or aunt, etc etc. the current american adult works more, and makes less than they did even 5 years ago. thus, they have less time to spend with their children, and have looked to the mexican community to work cheaply as housekeepers and child rearers. and the mexican's see it as a booming industry. american children are the new cash crop for them. now don't get me wrong, its not a bad thing to have a housekeeper and/or child raiser. but when you don't build the bonds of mother/child and father/child that everyone needs/deserves, then of course your kids are gonna have behavior problems. the other stem is the school system. i eagerly await the dvd release of "Waiting for Superman", a new documentary about how crappy the current school system is in this country. we've been under the same system of speaker and Colosseum-esque classrooms since the beginning of this country. the problem with that is that only 12% of children flourish in that environment. those who don't, are either punished (as in the days of old), or diagnosed with ritilin and other drugs to dull them out. it's ridiculous. switch to the Montessori method, and see how fast ritilin goes out of style. just try it.

Alas, rant now over, back to my observation. Scott Pilgrim appeals greatly to the ADD generation b/c its pace and visual style are very kinetic and bright. the movie jumps time periods instantaneously, and yet keeps you focused on the story. anyone not paying attention would surely be lost about 12 minutes in. it takes those of us with minds that can quickly assimilate and understand information to keep up with the story. those of us with a bit of ADD and who grew up with a computer at our fingertips are more adept at this, b/c we deal with it every day. the tv (esp. channels like MTV, VH1 and most of the Disney and Cartoon channels) that we watch quickly go from past info to current info to future info, to commercial, and cycles back again, over and over. its the Soap opera format on speed. and online, we switch from facebook to youtube to blogging (lol.), to Postsecret, to netflix, all in the span of 30 seconds. so when the movie flips from day to night to a week later, to next weekend, all in teh span of 2 scenes, those of us exposed to this type of psychological stimulus are the only ones who can keep up with the story.

now the visual element(s) are really what made the movie for me. with out those, the story becomes about a boy literally fighting for his life, and the love of it. but the special effects take it out of reality just enough that it makes it a good story. the graphic novel or comic book (in the sense of it being loud visually and bright) really pushed it over the edge. it was more kinetic and imaginative than say, the watchmen, (which i'll review at a later date, b/c i loved the graphic novel, one of the best BOOKS i've ever read. and there we few things the movie got right, and most they got wrong.), and the more realistic reboots of Batman, Superman, Spiderman (which started the trend), as well as Ironman, the upcoming Green Lantern (nerdgasm!) and next summer's Captain America and the Avengers (mega nerdgasm!!!), although, that may be because that Mythology is deeper and more elaborate than a single Graphic novel like scott pilgrim or The Watchmen, or Arkham Asylum (though thats a single story element that stems from a much deeper storyline). so that fact makes the storyline is more open to artistic licesense than the longer running comics. it could have just as easily been a drug induced story, with most of the same visuals, and almost no change to the story line. and the movement and kineticism has only one cousin of recent memory, and thats Speed Racer. remember that acid trip on screen? but thats the only movie that matches Scott Pilgrims speed, and visual ridiculousness.

So, are we seeing a trend in Hollywood? more movies that move faster, scream louder, and assault our visual cortexs more fully? i believe so. i mean, the only person to see the full potential of James Camerons Avatar building technology is.....James Cameron........with Avatar! so i think once other directors, especially those who were already visually on the edge: Christopher Nolan (although i see him as an all around ground breaker like cameron, with a smaller (though growing) budget), as well as Richard Linklater (imagine mixing a scanner darkly with the avatar visuals!). or a foriegner (in the good way), like Luc Besson. (the 6th element? super light? The Diva's song on planet Pandora? can you imagine!). so, what the future holds remains to be seen. but in the words of Regina Spektor (total famous crush!!!): the future, its here, it's bright, it's now.

p.s. its part 1 b/c i'm gonna read the graphic novel, and will compare the two, and will do so for the watchmen as well......later. lol.

The Man In the Iron Mosque.

this might put me on a no-fly list, but i dont travel that often, so here's my take on the whole Mosque at Ground Zero situation. I think it needs to happen. for the greater purpose and propagation of America and all she stands for, it does. in the immediate, it'll cause political strive, division, protesting, litigation, and arguments. but in the long run, it'll reestablish this country as the harbor of freedom, acceptance and tolerance that it was founded on. this issue goes all the way to the top. aka, Obama. now of course it's not his decision, but he'll take the heat or the glory, depending on the perspective. just as Hoover and Bush took the crap for the downfall of the economy of their respective eras (though one was more 'guilty as charged' than the other), just as Nixon (though it related directly to him, he didn't have as much say as history likes to say he does) in watergate. Obama will catch the political fire, and if it happens in time, it may loose him the presidential candidacy in 2012. i doubt it'll go up that fast, and the wooden torch will be passed to the next, but it will still be on fire, waiting to burn someones hand. to ensure his place among Lincoln, Washington, Kennedy, and the other great presidents, (which i believe he deserves, as he is a symbol, not only of the acceptance and positive possibility of change in this country, but of the odds he's had to overcome), this needs to be his magnum opus. i'm writing this 5 hours after watching him on tv telling the american people that the war in Iraq is over, which is great, but history pays attention to the first strike, not the last. (the exception to that rule is the atom bombs on Japan, but that's because of the impact it had on so many different areas of politics, science, pop culture, etc.) healthcare, the economy and gay rights are going to fall away in comparison to this. there needs to be a large ceremony, and he has to be there, and make a speech. he needs to assert the division that the american people should make between good muslims and bad al-queda members. the same distinction was made during ww2. especially in the media. watching movies from the time period, there are always good germans, and bad nazi's. he needs to point to the heroes of old. Washington establishing a nation of acceptance, Lincoln not only freeing the slaves but also reuniting a country (as he has had to do). kennedy for breaking down race barriers, (even possibly siting his current job title to that end). assert that he never wanted this war. diplomacy was always his 1st choice, and that it still is. site the fact that muslims were treated badly after 9/11, and this is a major step in rebuilding that bond, and bringing it back into the melting pot that not only is new york, but america as well. site its community building and positive infulence. reference the freedom of religion that we all enjoy, thanks to the men and women in uniform. site how great this country is, site how far its come in its development of not only a free people, but an equal people. talk about how our childrens children will look back on this time and see a a great leap forward in citizenship and equality, and freedom of religion. finish with God Bless all of you, and God Bless the United States of America. get in the limo and drive away. don't take questions. leave them to think of what you've said. to realize that this is the greatest country on earth, and that we are all damn lucky to live here, and do what we do. Middle America will quote to their grandkids watching this speech on tv. Middle america is what this country is really about. Middle america is not fox news, its not cnn. it's not The tea party picketers. it's not the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka Kansas. It's families. it's friends. its beers in the driveway on friday nights. its ballparks and barrooms. its dinners at the table, and sunday morning church. middle america isn't concerned with differences in religion. they're just trying to raise their kids, and provide for them, what they couldnt have for themselves. america is a friendly place. a place where people are accepted, not because we're forced to, but because we want to. we realize that we have more freedom than most places in the world, and we also realize we're not perfect. but we love our country, and we love one another.

Pi-i-can't-belive-i'm-watching-this-crapolaha. 3D.

Piranaha's 3D was one of the most ridiculous/theorectially possible worst case scenario movies i have scene in a while. WARNING: SOME PLOT SPOILERS FOLLOW. basically, everyone who you expect to live lives, and everyone you know is gonna die, dies. the ingenue, the young hero, his mother, his brother and sister, the old scientist, and the middle aged scientist live. with the exception of the last character in the last closing seconds, which was one of the more ridiculous plot twists. the biggest problem with this movie that was that it was in 3D. let me explain. the capabilities of the technology are so much more than what these movies are giving us. the same "scary" stuff coming out of the screen thats as old as the technology itself. the one movie thats really made use of the power and majesty thats capable in 3D is Pandora. which sucked plot wise, but had amazing sweeping landscape scenes that wouldn't have been capable in 2d. the other is the short before Toy Story 3, i believe it was called night and day. it was the first really intelligent use of the mixing of 2d and 3d animation, and everyone should/will see it when it comes out on DVD. but scary fish or a boat coming out at you is the same thing as the giant shark coming out at you in JAWS 3D. Final destination used the same technique, and i know Saw 3D will too. its cool in concept, but very very stale in practice. now the storyline is slightly plausible at parts. college kids come to a lake and a huge school of piranahas show up and all hell breaks loose: pretty plausible. a beer bottle falling to the bottom of a lake and opening up a crevice that reconnects a 15 million year old lake, completely ridiculous. techtonic and erosive activity would have done that long before a beer bottle would. but the biggest turn off in this movie was the horrible way people died, and the amount of insane wounds that people endured. pulling torsos out of the water, while the people moan, a girl getting split in half by a sound cable, and a girls face getting ripped off b/c her hair got caught in a boat propeller borders on snuff film. now i know its all fake, i've got a theatre degree. fake blood and guts is nothing new to me. but to pack that much carnage into one film made me almost sick to my stomach. i can stomach/enjoy the saw movies. it was almost as bad as the happening. i say almost b/c at least this movie has a plot, crazy as it seems. (If Devil turns out to suck, I'm swearing off M. Night Shamalyan movies for life). all in all it was a tit sprinkled gore fest, with lame 3d tactics and pretty much 1d acting. i mean i love the lead from Party Down, who doesn't like Elizabeth Shue, and cameos by both Christopher Lloyd and Richard Dreyfus are great, but with a terrible monster movie script, you cant really expect much. Hope Monsters turns out as good as Cloverfield without the handycam hangover!

The Expend-abilia-buddies.

So i recently saw "The Expendables". WARNING: SOME PLOT SPOILERS FOLLOW. i'm not really reviewing the movie, i just thought about a few things as i was watching this movie. most paramount was how dark it was. i dont mean its themes and acting, i mean its pitch black. 95% of the movie happeneds at night. now i get that when taking down warlords and dictators, one needs the cover of darkness to heighten the element of suprise, but seriously, dark passages and moonlit battles are for batman movies, and the blair witch project (or, for the younger readers, Paranormal Activity, (same basic concept)), not the "biggest" action movie of the summer. i say biggest b/c it was touted as the most ridiculous grouping of action stars....ever. which i get. the problem with packing all those action stars into one movie, is that it becomes 95% action, and 5% hot chick. the story line was pretty lame, predictable, and completely un-cerebral. not that i expected a mind melting chris nolan experience, but cmon, rocky was exciting, and a great storyline. (til rocky 3). neways, there were 2 gems in this movie that i think really give hope to Sylvester Stallone. not the actor (seriously, i can't understand a word you're saying!), but Stallone the movie maker. the 1st is stallone makes a reference, in a scene with bruce "Die Hard: willis and Arnold "Terminator" Schwarzenegger. Basically, willis is a shady CIA agent, posing as a potential employer, and Stallone and Schwarzenegger both show up for a possible job, both as leaders of assassination teams. Terminator hears the proposition, laughs and says he has better things to do. the interesting thing is that, as he turns to leave, pushes the doors open and is basked in the sunlight, willis asks "what's his problem?", stallone replies: "He wants to be president." now of course he is commenting on the current political situation that the Govenator is in. but in the bigger picture, stallone is taking a political position with a movie. he takes another, but i'll get into that in a minute. is he backing the Austian? its hard to tell. his sarcastic tone reading of the line says no, but the comment in and of itself says yes. he's positing a future where he is president, planting the seed in the American consciousness. an interesting theory, but only time will tell whether or not he takes a more definitive stance. the other interesting thing that happens in the movie is they water board the female lead to get information on why rocky and the transporter were in the little piss ant country at all. now, to my knowledge, this is the first time in a big league wide release movie that this has been shown in graphic detail. the scene isn't very long, probably 90 seconds at most. but its interesting that its in there at all. they could have beaten her, used a hot poker, or held up her prized havanese with a huge bowie knife. but stallone puts the torture method in the movie to vilify it. only bad guys do this sort of thi.....wait a minute.....Uncle sam does this too from time to time. he's saying its bad, he's saying he's against it. he's also saying everyone else in the movie is against it. which from my earlier comment means that the Govenator and possible future candidate to lead the free world is against it to. so is he saying he's a democrat (hollywood has a long blue history) but its unclear if he's actually taking a position. he's definitely saying its bad, and that he's very against it, so he's saying he's against the former methods of the military, but he's not saying he's pro anything. so it holds promise that in the future he moves away from action movies a little and towards more politically infused projects. but i guarantee they'll have a fight scene. i mean this guy burst on to the scene by writing and staring in a boxing movie. promising start sir. promising.

more politics.....

so, i just got done watching "fall from grace" a documentary about the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka Kansas. You might know them from their picket signs: GOD HATES FAGS, THANK GOD FOR IED's, etc. before i start, let me get one thing strait, I COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH WHAT THESE PEOPLE ARE SAYING. IT'S STUBBORN, IGNORANT, CHILDISH, FOOLISH, AND GOES AGAINST EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. However, what i do agree with is their act of picketing for a cause they believe. no one does that anymore. no one really stands up for what they believe. Obama sort of lucked into the presidency, because a huge percentage of the country was anti-republican at the time, and the country wasn't/isn't ready for a woman president, so he was basically a shoe in. in any case, Fred Phelps (i dont really care if i spelled it right or not, you know who i'm talking about), is screaming at the top of his lungs, something that he believes. its a very very (very very) small opinion, but he's voicing it so loudly, it sounds bigger than it is. what ever happened to that in america? what ever happened to standing up for what you believe. this is what this country was founded on! this is why this country was created! so anyone and everyone could have a place to come and voice their opinion, without being chastised, or thrown in jail, or killed for it. i mean, have you read the declaration of independence? that was the colonies standing up for what they believed in! they weren't gonna take the subjugation and the manipulation any longer! so they stood up, picketed, yelled at the top of their lungs for what they believed in, and founded a country, and defended that country, so they could have that right. i think we all need to start picketing for what we believe. we dont do that any more, we dont act! we blog! (ironic, i know). but i mean, cmon! the tea partiers are picketing for........what ever it is they believe, but Pastor (can you call him a pastor if the church is comprised solely of his own family?) Phelps is specific in his intent, though its widened in the few previous years, but he's still out there, old timer that he is, and i celebrate his right to protest. i hate what he's preaching, i think it goes against everything he claims to stand for, but the theological argument is what it is. but he's doing what he's doing because this is america! he's here, and he's not leaving. know why? b/c this shit would never fly in europe, or asia, or africa. France is trying to get rid of the burka for pete's sake, you think religious intolerance is gonna fly over there? theyre trying to do away with religion entirely! asia is all buddhists who wouldnt listen, and in africa, they'd probably just shoot them. (fingers crossed! jk, jk). that's why he hasn't gone to canada, or mexico, or Britain, or France, or germany. because in america, we give you the right to say what you want, no matter what. whether it's god hates fags, or god hates Phelps'. Thank the forefathers next time you see a picture of them, besides, they're the ones footing the bill.

lets talk politics.....

theres a few things that i've been wanting to say lately, and i finally have time to:

1. i really hate how messed up the world is. i hate how people lie, and cheat, and do all these horrible things, to get these ridiculous lifestyles, that they know deep down is all hollow. i dont want to name names, because i'm not that kinda of finger pointer, people know when what they did was wrong whether they want to admit or not. i'm just pissed how people can put up this facade of peaches and sunshine one minute, and then turn around and go and do something mean, horrible, or downright sinister. it just blows my mind, every time i hear about it.

2. the war is over. get over it. let me explain: a few months ago (see its been a LONG time since i've had time. its funny how working to get a job affords you less time than actually having one, see there i go again, down a side street!). anyways, a few months ago, i had the pleasure of my great uncle staying with us for a while. now he's.....75-80ish? "Greatest generation" age, anyways, and i know i've said this before in my posts, but they have no grasp on the world, which is highly unfortunate, b/c they run it. so we're sitting down to dinner, and he asks me, "what is facebook?" Child of the digital age that i am, i answered promptly and intelligently:
"Facebook is a social networking site to (re)connect with friends, relatives, classmates, etc. there's also many levels of depth to which one can create themselves, or can find out about other people, and you can play games, watch videos, etc." he says "huh." (like an agreeing sort of huh). and then he asks me: "Does facebook make t-shirts?" which not only caught me off guard, it caught me WAY off guard. i had no idea what he was trying to get at. so i tried to respond in a way that i thought i could explain it to him better i guess? i dont know, but i said "well, not technically, but you can advertise for them on Facebook", to which he replied "does facebook make t-shirts." "no" i replied, utterly defeated only because i had no idea what point he was trying to get at or make or w/e. and he said, "ok then.....he eats a bite and starts in again, "cause you know who is makin' t-shirts" (now i really had no idea where this was going) "China."......after picking up my jaw off the floor, i responded with the only idea i had: "China?!?!?" he responds: "China. and russia too, and you know what? i hope we have the biggest baddest army because they'll the ones who are running this country if we don't." (now up until then, i had a childlike respect and admiration for this man. he's raised 4(5? lots of family on that side) great kids, who have grown up and raised kids of their own. he's rich, he's faced adversity (he lost his wife to cancer), and he's come out on the other side well adjusted, intelligent, and up until he said that, level headed. At which point i responded with "war? you think war is the only answer?" "Absolutely" "the ONLY answer?" "Yup." at this point i realized he wasn't going to change his opinion, and trying to explain the future of our nation, our planet, and our race, was worse than shouting at the rain. so i simply kept my mouth shut, and agreed with everything he said, with the full knowledge that i could tell it to you folks, and you'd "listen". had he not been my uber superior, relative, and my great gma not been sitting there, my retort would have been: The war is over. ww2. the cold war. its all over. its time to embrace the "global village" view of the universe, or perish with the total destruction you will likely propigate through the world if you continue to follow this pathway. the human race no longer has the luxury to get mad. because if we get "mad" we get M.A.D. Mutually Assured Destruction. during the cold war we set up a system of dominoes that would literally end life on this planet as we know it. after ww2, America was the baddest band in the land. we had almost single handedly defeated the japanese in the pacific, and it was the American boost in Europe that finally turned the tide of the war. so for the second time in half a century, we were the winners of a "global war". and we had unleashed the greatest power known to human kind up to that point: Nuclear energy. there was no reason we shouldn't have felt that way. i mean, america had tried to stay out of the first world war, and only joined it because U-boats were sinking american ships in the atlantic, and the president was forced to respond with swift actions. we also tried to stay out of ww2 (though we were supplying europe with guns and ammo, etc. (but secretly of course)). with the communication between hitler and mexico, and then Pearl Harbor, we were absolutely forced to step in and intervene on behalf of good people everywhere. so after the war is over, we are the biggest kids on the block, with the most killer toys. and anyone who's ever owned the first of anything on the block knows, people gonna try and steal that shit. or try to build their own. enter 1949, and Stalin explodes his own nuclear weapon, and the flag drops for the arms race. we had just seen "evil" spread all across europe. and to most americans, "nazisim" and "communism" might as well be interchangeable for "evil" and "anti-american". there wasn't the internet back then, there wasnt cell phones. there was no way to get information in or out of "3rd world" countries. (it makes me sick that that term is still used by the way, there is no 1st or 2nd anymore, there shouldnt be a 3rd.) i'm starting to trail here, lets refocus. the war is over. total win isnt an option anymore. it hasnt been since ww2. because the "last verse" is the "a-bomb" and the fallout from that was soo mind meltingly horrific, that people dont want to do it anymore, for social, political, and basic instinctual reasons. (why isnt american running on nuclear power i wonder? 4 words: Chernobyl, and Three Mile Island). Total win wasnt an option in korea, not in vietnam, not in the persian gulf, and it isnt now. thats the problem no one realizes. you can't just bomb the shit out of a country any more, and expect to walk away unscathed, either emotionally, psychologically, or physically. people are still feeling the effects of the nuclear explosions over the last 65 years. there were millions of innocent lives lost to nuclear explosions (accidental or intentional), and the american conscience realizes that now. we bombed the japanese because we didnt care about them. they were different from us. either not as smart, or just "foreign." why didnt germany get the a-bomb? because they didnt "start a fight" with us. whats the other reason? "germany" was innocent, "hitler and the Nazi's" were guilty. their eradication gave the rest of germany amnesty in the global scene. the war is over. you can't just fight your way into another country (iraq and afganistan hasn't stuck well has it?). the american public doesnt like it, the global public doesnt like it, and its simply bad for business all around. china will not invade us. neither will russia. we are all in this together. the global economy needs trade, the global political status needs heroes and villians, and the world simply needs peace, at least a majority in the world anways.

3. gosh that was alot, still with me, just a few more things i wanna say, then you can go to sleep:
daft punk is awesome, why have i not heard them more? dont know, dont care, they're in my itunes now, and thats all that matters

4. theres no such thing as good and evil anymore, people need to wake up and realize this. god isnt some anthropomorphic prick up in "heaven" making the rains and deciding who lives and dies on a whim. "god's plan" is such a crock of shit i get physically disturbed when i hear people say it. i get even more disturbed when those people are on tv (Joel Osteen!). i am not saying the universe is completely random and its basic chance that i'm even typing this right now, we can sit down and discuss intelligent design and all that theological "garbage" later if you want, but what i'm saying is, good and evil are relative concepts, and they dont mean anything without something else to compare them with. snow white isnt a princess without the evil queen. hitler isnt such a dick with out churchill, Roosevelt and stalin to compare to, (another history lesson we can discuss later, personal lives of those 4 men are very interesting, lying, cheating drinking smoking, and std's!) why did the joker in the Dark Knight seam so real life, and engaging? because a good actor knows that any believable villain thinks what they are doing is "the right thing". we as 3rd party observers see something like the Dark Knight and say, Batman is good, because he is standing up for justice, and he is saving people's lives. where as the Joker is bad, because is creating injustice, stealing, and killing people. (we say this (usually) without the full knowledge that "justice", "stealing", "lying", and "killing people" are not only relative, but have been considered "the right thing to do" multiple times in history, even by the great civilizations). so stop using good and evil as political terms. technically the best they can be is adjectives, in the world of english lit. practical quantifiers they are not.

5...almost forgot what number i was on. J.J. abrams has mastered the art of the teaser trailer. you could almost teach a class in film, sociology, and pop culture from his work. it goes back to Cloverfield. anyone who saw the first Transformers in theatres that summer, remembers sitting in the theatres, jaws agape from seeing the head of the statue of liberty crashing through the street on a handy-cam. after going online after the movie (or during, which was just starting out at the time), all we had was the date, and this mind blowing trailer. when the movie finally did come out, Mr. Abrams slapped our geek heads around again by releasing a teaser for his star trek reboot, before the movie he promoted with a teaser. well, the Lost creator (and general american geek brain melter), has done it again, with Super 8. (http://super-8.movie-trailer.com/). this looks insane! but alas, its just a teaser, so of course, no one has idea what its really about. will there be another loop into a teaser in front of super 8? who knows we gotta wait til it comes out!!!

6. Sarah Palin. i respect sarah palin, b/c she is one thing that washington (or america at large for that matter), doesnt have enough of. She's an honest politician. i respect her for being honest. shes also about as intelligent as a wet 2by4. she is dumb as a bag of hammers. the words coming from her mouth barely belong to the same sentence, let alone idea. but she's honest.

7. Danika Patrick. if i hear one more person complain about "a girl" in Nascar, i'm gonna bash someones head in with a brick. I'm serious. Stop complaining!!!! barring all the socio-political crap about equality for women, and greater acceptance and stuff (which i totally agree with b.t.w.), shes HOT! have you seen a picture of a redneck and a hot girl, no you have not! if the athletes of that sport reflected the fans of that sport. Danika Patrick would be a 250lb balding woman, with more children than fingers, and more fingers than teeth. so leave the woman alone, let her do what she wants to do, and go to godaddy.com. (sorta worth it).

8................ok. cant think of anything else now. but i feel really good. even if no one reads this, i dont care, bc now its not rolling around in my head anymore, and i can fill it with more crap for next time! alas, good night!

gaga for Gaga

So i was watching this weeks episode of Glee, (probably the greatest show on television, and certainly a true hallmark of our generation), and it focused on the music and Theatricality of Lady Gaga (another hallmark of our generation). It excites me when I think about our generation. (Did some research: I am part of "Generation Y" or the "Millennial Generation") We are the children of Gen X, the children of the Baby Boomers. As it stands today, Baby Boomers pretty much run the world. They're those born from 45-65, during the time of "epic" prosperity and "peace" after World War Two. Being 2 steps away from that generation, and paying attention in history class, i can tell you, THEY ARE THE REASON THE WORLD SUCKS RIGHT NOW. They're stubborn, slow to change, if at all, and they think all youth is doomed to an impossibly terrible life. They're the generation that beat Hitler, dropped the Bomb, and basically "saved" the world. Enter Gen X, their children, people who were brought up in this no-nonsense, follow the rules, America is immutable environment. I learned in a college psych class that Gen X generally has a negative outlook on the future, and life in general. They are today's middle management. They hate their situation because they can't break though what is tentatively called the "gray ceiling," basically, friendly nepotism within the corporate parapet, which i get. i would be totally pissed if i couldn't advance simply because they old guy wont give up power and/or die. This is the Generation who saw the Watergate Scandal, the Vietnam War, and the fall of the Communist Block. I can understand why they're pissed off. they don't trust the government, they don't want to become their parents, yet they don't understand their children. Btw, the Baby Boomers had tons of kids, where as Gen X didn't so that's why my parents have 7-8 brothers and sisters, and i have 2. Gen X didn't want big families, they grew up with them. (sry, needed to put that in there. toldja i jump around a bit, i still havent gotten to the point yet!). Enter Generation Y. The happy go-lucky everything is possible generation. We say the rise of the internet, global warming, and the public sector space race. I believe Gen Y will the be the first people to return to the moon, if not stand on Mars. I believe Gen Y will be the generation to make a more positive impact on the future than any other. "green tech" is being pioneered by people who grew up playing video games. no other generation is like ours. we got the best of both worlds. we got all the coolest video games of the day, but we dodged the "add-adhd" bullet of our younger counter parts. we don't agree with our parents that the world sucks. and if we do, then we see a much greater possibility to change it! We saw George Bush get elected. Twice. "We" elected Barrack Obama. We know its possible for anyone to be in the White House. We have seen the terrible behavior of our grandparents and the cynicism and inaction of our parents, and we choose to change our world. to be proactive about it. This generation will truly create the "Global Village." A nation isn't an island anymore. its not about a race to space, or who has the biggest baddest fighting force in the world. its time to start realizing that we need to work together if we want to survive.

ok, enough political soap boxing. we can talk generational fuck up's later. Back to my original point: Lady Gaga. She's Madonna on speed. She changes her looks more often than politicians change official positions on hot button issues. She captures ideas and artistic styles from every time period and artist this side of DaVinci. She's not one person long enough for you to get a read on her. She has a semi-specific music style, but keeps upping the anti, with no competitors to speak of. she embodies the theatricality of this generation. we're the generation of video game characters, of Nickelodeon characters, of movie characters. we're obsessed with people who don't really seem real (i mean c'mon, jersey shore's getting a 2nd season). we associate with that aesthetic, because thats what we were raised on. We grew up with the Marios, the Sonics, the Crashes, the Tommy Pickles, the Chuckie Finsters, the Phil and Lils, the bad Batmans, the Simbas, the Woodys the Buzzes, THE SIMPSONS for christ sakes! our formative years were filled with literal characters and caricatures, we watched Bill Clinton almost get impeached, we watched George Bush get elected, we watched Dick Cheney SHOOT SOMEONE IN THE FACE AND GET AWAY WITH IT! if you think that's not theatrical, you've never opened a book, and need to shut up right now. At first i didnt appreciate the totality of what she embodies, but she is basically the logical, intelligent, and lucrative conclusion to our generation. She's theatrical, inventive, re-inventive, and a figurehead for our generation. the generation before had Madonna, the generation after has.......Dora the explorer? I think we win. Power to the Millennials!